5 Ways to Overcome Shyness Around Women

Jasbina Ahluwalia
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By Jasbina Ahluwalia

Let’s just say it: being shy around women sucks! Shyness can freeze you in your tracks and be your biggest obstacle to connecting with women. However, lots of guys find ways to overcome their shyness and meet amazing women. Here are five of the top ways you can, too:

1. Cultivate Your “Inner Extrovert”

Jasbina Ahluwalia

Start by making an effort to be less shy around everyone. Try being more gregarious and outgoing with people you already know, including friends, family members and co-workers.

Practice being more expressive in terms of communication, opinions, humor and rapport with people you already have a connection with. Doing so will naturally transfer over to your conversations with women.

2. Determine If It’s a Confidence Problem

Being an introvert is one thing; having a lack of confidence is another. There are plenty of confident introverts out there (think the “strong, silent type”), but for some men, a reluctance to approach women is due to insecurities.

Which type are you? If it is a confidence issue, introspect as to whether there may be any underlying issues getting in your way.  A coach, therapist or matchmaker can help you process, and support you in identifying any blind-spots which might be coming in your way.  Once any underlying issues are addressed, it’s time to take action even if you don’t quite feel ready.   Sometimes people mistakenly wait until they feel confident to take action – it actually works the other way around.  Once you take small steps, they’ll lead to feelings of success, which will lead to feeling confident.

3. Do YOU For Awhile

When it comes to building confidence, there can be value in taking a break from dating and spending more time on yourself for awhile.

Get to the gym, pursue hobbies you love, take a class or put more focused time on your career. Improving yourself builds confidence. When you know you have something to offer a woman, shyness can naturally evaporate.

4. Practice NOT Being Shy Around Women

If being shy and quiet around women is your “default setting,” try getting out of your comfort zone by doing something totally out of character, such as flirting playfully with every woman you encounter for a whole day. (You can limit this to low-risk encounters like at the store or the restaurant drive-thru.) You’ll make their day and get to feel what it’s like NOT to be shy for a day. And who knows – you might get a date out of one of those exchanges!

5. Make Friends with Rejection

No that’s not a typo. Being cool with rejection is the key to overcoming the fear of it. Even the most gregarious guys get shot down. In fact, it probably happens to them the most, since they are talking to so many more women.

The difference is they have “made peace” with rejection, and they don’t let it discourage them. Look at it this way: you actually want to get rejected by the women who are not a match. That way when Miss Right comes along, you’ll be available.

Plenty of shy guys overcome their shyness and go on to manifest great relationships. You can, too! Put these five tips into practice, and you’ll be well on your way to overcoming your shyness around women.

(About Jasbina Ahluwalia: Ahluwalia adds a unique contribution to the Matchmaking industry – she has pioneered an approach to matchmaking, which blends the best of The East and West. She is an Indian-American Attorney-turned-Matchmaker.. She is the Founder & President of Intersections Match by Jasbina, the only Premier Matchmaking Firm for Indian Singles in the US, Canada & the UK.

A finalist in OPRAH’S search for a TV Host, she’s also been featured in the New York Times, San Jose Mercury News, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, Huffington Post, Inc., & Entrepreneur Magazine. She has also moderated/participated on panels at Harvard Business School, Wharton, Northwestern & Columbia. Her work has been cited in 3 published books.)



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