By Jaya Vatsyayan, Ph.D.
LEXINGTON, MA–Hindu women are conditioned to celebrate the males in their lives to an extent where they can pray and fast without food and water for hours for the men to become immortals. For hundreds of years women have been convinced that their status and existence without a male caretaker/protector is of no consequence to the society.
The physical, mental, and financial well-being of women are tied to the happiness and health of the males in their lives. Of course, therefore, they inflict on themselves the long hours of fasting (WhatsApp justification as modern day intermittent fasting) in the name of love and sacrifice called teej, karwa chauth etc. for the husband and jweetiya for the son.
For most women, their own health and well-being remain secondary and de prioritized. The praises of their sacrifice are written in abundance and celebrated in poems as bravery surpassed. Indian women who bear sons are privileged by default and the ones who bear daughters have to passively struggle to seek a privileged status even if their daughters are by no means lacking in cerebral equality or capabilities.
Ironically, the self-proclaimed progressive Indian mothers with liberal daughters, in reality, seek traditional daughters-in-laws who are willing to give up their choices. Marvelously, in a 1 or 2 child family unit system, if the first born is a son, women may be granted the freedom to not go for a 2nd pregnancy if financial or health conditions don’t permit. However, if the 1st born is a daughter, there are subtle suggestions to have at least 2 children in the name of a complete unit of 4.
God forbid when the only child is a daughter then there are bound to be questions at some point or the other if a complication in the reproductive system led to such a forced choice and whether enough was done to remedy those situations. If that only daughter becomes an IAS (Indian Administrative Services) officer there may be some respite.
Furthermore, here is the myth of educated, progressive Indian/Hindu women. They could not be more grateful that their fathers and husbands “allowed” them or “granted” them the permission to pursue higher education or a career.
These “gifted” (literally meaning daan ki hui) progressive professionals could not be more full of gratitude. They are so obliged to this kindness showered by the patriarchs that they can bend many times backwards to prove how they are the world’s best, nay perfect, women who can balance work-life, mayka-sasural, traditions-modernization, children-husband, career-kitchen.
All with great panache! All the while celebrating everyone else’s accomplishment, but their own. All the while they are on a leash to stay a step behind or downplay their ambitions so that egos are not irked and sentiments are not hurt as these could lead to destabilizing the “marital bliss” (ironically called matrimonial harmony).
Ah! The lifetime of investment that goes in to put up the facade of this perfection should be a remarkable chapter in psychology. The PTSD the women have to live with should be observed, monitored, and definitely awarded and included along with the legends of Sita, Savitri, and all the poor glorified devi-victims in mythologies.
May the hypocrisy rest in peace!
“Jaya Vatsyayan. Ph. D., has worked as a scientist in three countries for more than 20 years, and currently is a Director at a Biotechnology company in Cambridge, MA. She lives in Lexington, MA, with her family and enjoys volunteering for the town library.”
