By Jasbina Ahluwalia
If you’re a man who finds approaching women a challenge, you’re in good company. Many men struggle when it comes to approaching a woman. While sitting in a lounge or coffee shop, an attractive woman makes eye contact and smiles. Although she seems friendly, you hesitate.. Your mind wanders in a variety of directions (playing out worst case scenarios of utter humiliation) as you decide on your best approach. In the meantime, the schmuck sitting two seats down suavely strikes up a conversation with her. The rest, as they say, is history.
A similar situation is bound to happen again. Rather than wait for the frustration of another lost opportunity, it’s important to recognize what mistakes you’re likely making and figure out how to rectify them. Here are three common errors men make when approaching women, and how you can avoid making them.
1. Kryptonite 1: Boredom
Chances are, the women you’re meeting aren’t living the lives of superheroes. Rather, they are drudging through stressful jobs and longing for adventure. This is where you come in. You can be the spark she’s seeking. How? Convey it through your conversation and body language.
Ask her open-ended questions about her opinion, use humor, or say something completely unexpected.
Whatever you do, shake off any sense of stress or boredom before approaching a woman. They can detect it from a mile away in your body language. Keep your arms open as you speak; use hand gestures or movements; smile; make eye contact.
2. Kryptonite 2: Low Self-Esteem
If you don’t buy into your value, why should she? This isn’t to say that women want an egocentric jerk; instead, they want someone who is secure and confident.
Avoid apologizing for every little thing. Remember, you’re offering her a once in a lifetime opportunity to get to know you — make sure she knows you’re special.
Kryptonite 3: Neediness
If you’re like most men, you want a little challenge. It wouldn’t be very satisfying to have everything you wanted with a simple snap of your fingers. Sure, it sounds lovely on the surface. But long term? Not so much.
Here’s the trick: Imagine your interaction as an emotional bank account. Every time you tell a story, make a joke, share an intimacy, or make a statement, you are adding value to the interaction (making a deposit). Every time you try too hard to connect, you are taking away value (making a withdrawal).
By keeping these pitfalls in mind the next time you’re considering approaching a woman, you’re more likely to succeed.
(About Matchmaker & Dating Coach Jasbina Ahluwalia: Ahluwalia adds a unique contribution to the Matchmaking industry – she has pioneered an approach to matchmaking, which blends the best of The East and West. She is an Indian-American Attorney-turned-Entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Matchmaker/Dating Coach.
A finalist in OPRAH’S search for a TV Host, she’s also been featured in the New York Times, San Jose Mercury News, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post & Entrepreneur Magazine. She has also moderated/participated on panels at Harvard Business School, Wharton, Northwestern & Columbia. Jasbina previously practiced law in San Francisco and Chicago. She earned her B.A/M.A. in Philosophy from Vanderbilt University, and JD from the University of Michigan Law School.)